Last Night i had a huge breakdown. I am so overwhelmed with this situation right now. I am SO done being pregnant, i want to hold my Baby so bad and i am scared that the new doc will let me go longer then i expect. But then on the other hand i am NOT ready to have baby yet, because i am not ready to give up having baby inside of me, kicking, rolling & pushing. does that makes sense??
Then i am depressed over being away from my kids, I've ever really been separated from them, and while i know that they are well taken care of, i still worry. ALSO i dont know if i want my In-laws and kids to drive up to the hospital with us, or have them wait here and come over once baby is born and we are settled into a Room. I dont know how surgery is going to go, and if i have to go to the ICU i wont be able to see my kids.
I am also worried that my OB/GYN will not agree to my Birth plan or that i have to go to the main OR or have to have general anesthesia. So many things are still unclear which drives me INSANE. I know its only a few more days until i meet the new doc but WHAT IF he is not going to discuss any of the issues because he wants to do some more testing beforehand.
But i do know one thing for sure. I want Bells and Hailey to meet their new sibling first.... alone..... I want to give them a few minutes to JUST meet baby, hold baby and get to know baby. I want that bonding time to be as special as possible for Me, Tom and our kids.
Well thats my rant for today, now i am off to spend some time with my Kiddos.
Then i am depressed over being away from my kids, I've ever really been separated from them, and while i know that they are well taken care of, i still worry. ALSO i dont know if i want my In-laws and kids to drive up to the hospital with us, or have them wait here and come over once baby is born and we are settled into a Room. I dont know how surgery is going to go, and if i have to go to the ICU i wont be able to see my kids.
I am also worried that my OB/GYN will not agree to my Birth plan or that i have to go to the main OR or have to have general anesthesia. So many things are still unclear which drives me INSANE. I know its only a few more days until i meet the new doc but WHAT IF he is not going to discuss any of the issues because he wants to do some more testing beforehand.
But i do know one thing for sure. I want Bells and Hailey to meet their new sibling first.... alone..... I want to give them a few minutes to JUST meet baby, hold baby and get to know baby. I want that bonding time to be as special as possible for Me, Tom and our kids.
Well thats my rant for today, now i am off to spend some time with my Kiddos.
1 comments:
Been there sweetie and its hard.... but I concentrated on the quality time I got with Alexa before I got to bring her home to a house full of loving arms waiting to swoop her away. hang in there doll and take things as they come. Everything my not go the way we want them but praying for the safety of you and your baby. I spent a total of a month in the hospital with Alexa with my 2 week stay before I had her and then her 16 day stay in the NICU. hard and very emotional but now its all just a memory ((((hugs))))
Post a Comment